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She’s a Super Freak

Recently a male friend of mine told me that his girl ‘got to be a freak!‘ I don’t think in my parents’ generation men married women for their freakiness. There was more substance incorporated into the selection process. But all the movies on television and all the rap videos now suggest that maybe a lesbian will make a good wife, a porn star is ideal and a swinger might fit the bill. Maybe a girl that lives on a pole might be just right. Where did these ideas come from? Since when do you have to enroll in stripping class to keep a man interested? Forget the B.A in Education girl; can you take off your top with any kind of seduction? Does it not occur to anyone that the video vixen is paid to look sexy, shake her ass and tantalize? She’s not capable of helping a child with his homework or domestic enough to keep a home. You’re free to marry her trifling ass but you’ll be sorry. Part of the brainwashing process is based on convincing black men and women that they’re not living up to each other’s expectations. Suddenly when we look at each other, because we have been forced fed these mind indoctrinations, we are finding things to complain about in each other that didn’t exist in the past. Watching enough videos will convince the black man that his girl should be a hard ten. She should have the proportions of a supermodel and she should be able to cook a swine better than his mama and his grandmother combined. It will convince him that if she has a mind of her own and opinions, that she’s combative. She’ll suddenly transform into a cast member on the Real Housewives of Atlanta. He will start looking at her with a jaundiced eye and she will no longer be able to fit into the narrow confines he has set out for his perfect mate.

On the other hand, the black woman will be lulled into the idolization of the alpha male. The alpha will be the one that can swing a dick, pick up the check and eat pussy with efficacy. He will be thoughtful and attentive but thug enough to whoop some ass if there is a need. He will be bad ass like the dudes of The Wire with the ability to switch it up and represent like the dude from the Allstate commercial. He will be pretty and professional like Blair Underwood but paid like Michael Jordan. Soon the dude pushing the cart in the mail room while pursuing his MBA in night school will not be good enough for her. He won’t match the personified picture of the perfect man. Brainwashing has stopped her from seeing the worth of the guy with the good upbringing, loving heart and willingness to make and create a family. It’s important as black people that we realize that there is nothing more powerful than when our DNA join forces. It’s a worldwide conspiracy to cultivate dissatisfaction so that black men and women will despise each other. If we do not meet and marry then we can no longer make any Usain Bolts, Malcolm X’s, Bob Marley’s, Oprah Winfrey’s, Billy Holiday’s and James Baldwin’s. Together we are powerful and if we continue to fight and despise each other then our power is weakened. Don’t surrender to the hype. Fight the urge to be your own Manchurian Candidate. Think for yourself and live your dreams. Realize that black love is like poetry – sweet, melodious and created to blend harmoniously.

For Black Love to prosper do women have to be super freaks?

Post excerpt taken from the upcoming Super Sistah Success Guide Entitled – Black Girls Guide for Winning at Love & Life


About the Author

Stephanie Small, Sistah & Superhero! Author, Educator, Personal Growth Coach & wannabe Superhero! Author of Black Girl's Guide to Winning at Love & Life! (Available on Amazon.com, B&N and Kobo)
  • Powerful! I’ve thought those two images (video vixen, and aggressive male) as some sort of psychological warfare, but never connected it as you just did.


    • Love is a battlefield, my friend and those two images are destined to fight against each other. Both are unrealistic for either gender to live up to completely even though we see the images so often that they become normal and within reach. They’re not. A little alpha and a little vixen never hurt anyone but a man should never choose a mate based on how low she can go. Just my thoughts.


  • When I first read the title of this post I thought –wow, where’s my 10′ pole. But as I read on I realized that I should stick my leather-clad toe into the fray.

    Men, we men, tend to want to gravitate toward the center. After all, relentless masculinity means we must compete for the mediocre job, open doors, protect the family, and win the stare-down all by noon on Monday. None of us will pitch a no hitter, write the great American novel, lead Microsoft, etc. Naturally we would expect that at some point we need to get “ours.” But thanks to the pornification of America: relentless over-sexualized dehumanization of women –watch any reality TV lately or viewed mag spreads of scantily-clad female athletes?– our bastion of “reality” in many ways has been narrowed to the bedroom.

    Women, readily available, are now the last frontier. Our sexual hopes are placed on their shoulders. Forget that no quarter is extended to women anymore –they work as hard, raise the family, and still fight for an equal wage– men require that they be ready to serve some carnal fantastical role. The bed remains the male home court, post-feminist female equality be damned.

    Where we go wrong is not letting it be known that we understand you are not a one-night stand on Basketball Wives, an Entourage castoff, or Nikki Minaj –Nikki Minaj is not Nikki Minaj. The freak can exist and live in a couple’s healthy relationship but it must be negotiated with the understanding that life is hard, full of love, and not lopsided fantasies.


    • Amen brother, amen. Now that’s what I’m talking about. I like a man with sense. Between me and my boo a little negotiation can work in the bedroom. I’m not saying that women can’t do her sex kitten thing under the right lighting and the right mood, but jumping from the bed into the splits because he saw it on television is not going to work. Fantasy, role playing, toys, tricks and whips are all fine if that is what the couple is in to, but it must be understood that women with real jobs, real responsibilities and real lives have little room to prance around 24/7 in 5inch stiletto heels. I want to be a man’s mate and not his last frontier. I’m digging your mental. Thanks for the post.


  • Marie Taloute

    Every black person who WANTS to ever be in a real relationship with another black person should read this! I agree that we all have these views that cloud our vision of what is really out there. You just inspired me to look at what I might call ‘potential’ in a different light..if there were enough black men and women who could do the same…


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