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Barren or Baby?

The Super has no babies, no bambinos, no chile and no children. My mama is a granny without a single grandchild to her name. When I was getting educated she rejoiced in my childlessness and would tell anyone who would listen that I was pursuing perfection and had no time for a passel load of kids. Fast forward a decade or so and now my mother would borrow, steal and beg if I would give her something— anything,  brown and fat and just under 8 pounds.

The Super is not barren; kids are possible. For me the timing just hasn’t been right. Sometimes I have the penis in my life to make a baby happen and sometimes I don’t. My dilemma is that time is running out. I’m not a hundred years old, but forty, which was in the distant future, is now a few blocks down the road. It’s do or die time.  I hear my biological clock ticking, banging and slamming hard against my ear. I envy men with their ancient sperm that they can take out and use at any time. Fifteen or eighty, it doesn’t matter, they are good to go. I’m jealous that they can wait forever and change their mind at the last hour. Women just don’t have that luxury. Left up to me, I would wait a few more years, travel around the world a few times, accomplish a few more things, save some more ends and then welcome a child into the world. I would make a great mother. My own mother is aces so I’ve learned from the best. I want children and not having any isn’t an option, but damn if being female isn’t somewhat inconvenient. I’m a bachelor at heart except I have lady parts. I love relationships, the kids and all that family has to offer; I just need more time.

Mother Nature is being a bitch. She’s breathing down my neck, threatening to fry my eggs into an omelet and shut down my baby maker if I don’t get to it. Boyfriend or no boyfriend, husband or no husband she could give a good god damn about my plans and my priorities.  I have to close the deal sometime in the new millennium before the Mission becomes Impossible. Somewhere my baby’s daddy is walking around and a child is screaming, “Mommy” at the top of her lungs. I hear you calling little one but I’m busy rewiring my biological clock.

Are the only options Barren or Baby if you can’t stop the clock from ticking?

 

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About the Author

Stephanie Small, Sistah & Superhero! Author, Educator, Personal Growth Coach & wannabe Superhero! Author of Black Girl's Guide to Winning at Love & Life! (Available on Amazon.com, B&N and Kobo)
  • Curvychick

    I totally can relate to this post.  At 41 years old, the bell toll is clanging at an alarming rate.  And, my fiance just finally admitted he is getting married to someone else.  Now I feel like all of my preparations were for naught.  My friends are like, “at least he didn’t leave you as a baby mama”. Now, that doesn’t seem so bad.

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    • Ms.Curvy, I feel for you. Like you, I had a break-up with a fiance and my first thought after the crying and the tears was that he had robbed me of my baby-making options. I too thought maybe having a baby to show for the relationship wouldn’t have been a tragedy. I think kids need both parents but I still can’t decide like you said if, ‘a baby would have been so bad.’ Jury is still out. Please don’t despair. It’s not too late to be a mommy in all sorts of ways, you just have to weigh your convictions and your options.

      It’s dude’s loss. You’re way more Super without him.

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    • Ms.Curvy, I feel for you. Like you, I had a break-up with a fiance and my first thought after the crying and the tears was that he had robbed me of my baby-making options. I too thought maybe having a baby to show for the relationship wouldn’t have been a tragedy. I think kids need both parents but I still can’t decide like you said if, ‘a baby would have been so bad.’ Jury is still out. Please don’t despair. It’s not too late to be a mommy in all sorts of ways, you just have to weigh your convictions and your options.

      It’s dude’s loss. You’re way more Super without him.

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  • singlemominthecity

    As a single parent of two beautiful children, I’m of the belief that two parents are better than one.  You don’t realize this until the child wakes up in the middle of the night crying because little Billy or Brittany was teasing him or her at school about their Dad not showing up for the special father child event they had at school.  Or they are subjected to cruel stories of adventures other children have had on Father’s Day (which comes every year without fail).  Sure, you can always find a male stand in but that’s all it will be: a stand in.  A child knows the difference.  

    It breaks my heart every time I have to see this.  Every time I have to experience this.  Yes, divorce happens and people separate all the time. However, I believe if the initial foundation for bringing this child into the world is strong (ie marriage) there is a better fighting chance that when Daddy separates from Mommy he will not leave little baby blue (or brown) eyes behind to celebrate Father’s Day alone.

    Think it through.  Is going at it alone really what’s in the best interest of the child?  

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    • Single mom,
      Given a magic wand and a time machine, would you have chosen to be childless rather than raise your children alone? It’s a hard question given that you love your kids and they are already here but answer the best you can for those of us who have yet to make the leap and are weighing our options.

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      • singlemominthecity

        You are right. I love my children.  I marvel in their development everyday.  I show them off to my friends and family.  I feel blessed to have them in my life.  I show them love.  I know they are aware that I love them dearly and that I cherish them.  But, is it really all about me?  and whether I can see my life without them? 

        I am not the center of their universe.  At least not when it takes a another to create them.  They are missing that other half.  I can not sell them the belief then my love is good enough for two.  I can not stop them from feeling rejected by the other non-present half.  They had no choice in the matter.

        They depend on me to make decisions that are in their best interest.  Again I ask, is going at it alone really what’s in the best interest of the child?

           0 likes

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