It could all be so simple. But you’d rather make it hard. Loving you is like a battle and we both end up with scars. Ex-Factor, Lauryn Hill
I love that song but Lauryn is a prime example of how a man can drive you crazy and ruin your life. As women we have to understand and accept that some men aren’t supposed to be kept. They are supposed to be dumped, dropped, kicked to the curb and forgotten the minute they try and cause us emotional harm. I’ve had my share of ex-boyfriends. Most I’ve kept way past their expiration dates. They weren’t the ones. I’m sure because the only time I thought about them was when I was mentally back handing myself for not dumping them before they broke my heart. Ex-boyfriends are ex’s for a reason. They’re gone from our lives because they were wrong for us even though we were convinced that they were Mr. Right. I bring up ex-boyfriends because I had a blast from the past.
My ex-boyfriend called me recently. In the history of ex-boyfriends he was the worst. It’s no coincidence that he was also the most beautiful. I don’t use the word beautiful loosely; he had a face that put all other mortals to shame. Translation? I put up with extra shit from him for the privilege of loving him as much as he loved himself. I listened to the deep baritone of his voice as he spoke and I remembered how much I used to love to hear my name on his lips. I indulged him as he walked us down memory lane editing out our big break up scene where he watched me walk out of his apartment and his life at night in the worst neighborhood in New York. He photo-shopped and repainted the picture of our time together and made it look way better than it was. Wait up, screech. Fantasy destroyed. Was he reading from a script that I’d never seen? In my version he was always creeping, complaining and looking out for the next best thing. The next best thing was never me. Was he looking at our life through eyes clouded by a half a bottle of Jack Daniels with a side of Gin? Because in my version my days were spent crying and wishing that he could love me as I was. Those wishes the Genie never granted. I was over it. He was too many years too late and we’d both moved on. He had a new family now. Was he having buyer’s remorse? Was domestication making him stir crazy for what might have been? Better him than me. I’d grown, matured and become a woman that had no time for yesterday’s news or trash. Out with the old and in with the new. Forget about yesterday’s boyfriend. I have.
Have you let yesterday’s love leave you with battle scars from the past?