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Settling for Second

Waiting for Mr. Right? What if he doesn’t appear? Should women willingly settle for second best? We’re not talking about having them hitch their wagon to the villain instead of the hero, but what about the second son instead of the heir to the throne? Harry is just as hot as William if you like all that red hair. Should women consider the runner up in the race instead of the man holding the trophy over his head while the crowd cheers? If the President isn’t available would the Vice-President do?

When women are sitting alone at home eating Ramen Noodle, do they wonder what life would’ve been like if they’d said yes to the math club president instead of the homecoming king? Mr. Second Best is usually more reliable, trustworthy and likes us more than the other guy ever could. Decisions. Decisions. Decisions. As women get older and wiser our focus and our options begin to narrow. Maybe narrow isn’t the right word, it suggests limitations, instead I’ll say our choices become more distinct. Through trial and error we realize that the jock, while possessing amazing abs, may not be a very good mate. We start to appreciate that a good mind and heart sometimes outweighs a good body. As life teaches us lessons, we begin to understand that slow and steady is sometimes better than explosive and quick. I’m referring to falling in love of course. What did you think I meant, Ms. Nasty? Anyway, I digress. Is it called settling if we make safe and sensible choices that have less to do with passion and more to do with careful planning?

Should we date and marry the dude with average looks and a decent 401k if we’ve dreamed of a passionate relationship? As women, who should we choose if our future depends on making good choices? It’s the dilemma of the century. It comes down to this question: should women wait patiently for the fantasy man to appear while the clock chimes and ticks?

If we’re constantly dating Mr. Wrong and the fairytale we’ve been promised evades us, then is life trying to teach us a lesson? Is the smart choice to settle for security over sex, fact over fiction and a real man even if he’s considered, Mr. Second?


About the Author

Stephanie Small, Sistah & Superhero! Author, Educator, Personal Growth Coach & wannabe Superhero! Author of Black Girl's Guide to Winning at Love & Life! (Available on Amazon.com, B&N and Kobo)
  • abiye

    I am not sure if you ask questions specifically the ladies or this include us guys as well. First of all if this question is strictly for the ladies I apologize but going to the answer from my perspective. It’s like gambling people have to take chances in jumping in any relationship so I will say why not wait and take the risk with whoever u thing it’s number one that way there won’t be any regret. On the other hand I don’t think it’s fair for the other person to be so passionate about u and u on the other hand r half way in for the hell of being in relationship. These are my two cents.


    • I ask it of whoever wants to answer, so we appreciate your two cents. You make some good points. As we’re selecting, we rarely think about how the other person might feel, in this case, how Mr.Second might feel about being the runner up. When making decisions that effect the outcome of a relationship and its longevity all sides should be considered.


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