Battle of the Sexes – Mister versus Missus
Despite 5 inch heels that can crack backs and shatter a short man’s ego, in spite of six-figure incomes ballin enough to make the blue collar brother cry, and contrary to the societal shift that has put some sisters in the driver’s seat, still, after years of evolution, women still haven’t changed. No matter how powerful and professional a woman may seem on the outside, she still wants a man with strength and with cojones of steel (figuratively that is, literally might be a tad unsightly).
Enough already with the question, ‘can I kiss you?’ If you have to ask then the answer is probably NO! Take the kiss already and be done with it! Rejection, the occasional slap for presumptuousness, is a part of life. All the heehawing, feet shuffling and hand ringing is enough to drive a strong woman crazy. Men must remember their caveman roots and take charge. I’m not saying to headlock and drag a woman off to some dark place by her hair, but if she has to instruct, teach and perform tutorials on how to woe and win her then her interest has probably already waned. You’ve lost, so long sucker. Hit the Road Jack cause she won’t be coming back no more, no more, no more, no more. Hit the road jack… sorry the tune got stuck in my head and I got sidetracked. The point I’m trying to make is that the feeble, the weak-willed and the fearful have no chance in the battle of the sexes. If the article I read recently is correct and 40% of households are now headed by female breadwinners, then things are bout’ to change. Who Runs the World? Girls apparently. How does the old school dude compete with women who are bringing the heat?
A bit of advice for my male readers, although some women won’t agree with me, I say bring it back to the biblical days. Get your Adam on before the unfortunate snake. Be almighty like my man Moses on the mountaintop. Direct and lead like bad boy Noah showing the beasts of the earth who’s boss. Attracting women is all about swagger, strength and steel. If you have to ask, plead and persuade then you have no chance. Power and personality are attractive to women no matter the amount of loot she might be packing in her purse. If a man fears failure and is easily intimidated then the next woman he meets he should ask her if she has a pair of panties she can spare. God gifted men with testosterone for a reason. Come to the love battle prepared to win.
If both the man and the woman wears the pants in the relationship then who’s boss?
Tags: Black Love, black women, Careers, God, Love, Marriage, Men, Money, Relationships, Super-Heroes, winning
Black Girl Blues
Oprah is off the air but I remember one of the quotes from her final show. She said: The show has taught me that there is a common thread that runs through all of our pain and all of our suffering and that is unworthiness. Not feeling worthy enough to own the life you were created for. What I got from this is that sometimes life deals us some difficult cards and we get disappointed. There are times that despite our greatest effort we don’t get what we want and we get discouraged. We internalize all our setbacks and start feeling like we aren’t worthy of the life we envisioned. We start believing the discouraging people around us that tell us that we want too much and that we can never achieve all that we planned. We try blocking out all of their negative energy but some of it seeps into our pours and strengthens our doubts. As a result, we start singing the black girl blues well enough that Billy Holiday would have given us the side eye and the oh no she didn’t look. Like many of the gifted and blessed, we let depression nip at our heels and allow the spirit of defeat to settle into our souls. What we must remember is that delay is not denial and we can’t give up. If being the best at anything was easy then everyone would be living the life they dreamed. If you choose to be extraordinary then it’s going to take more than wishing on a star and a penny in the wishing well for our ambitions to be more than just fairy tales. If we can dream it then it can be achieved. Don’t give in. Don’t give up. The song of defeat isn’t sexy.
Are you committed to singing a song of success loud enough for God and his angels to hear?
Tags: black women, Careers, Confidence, Dreams, Faith, God, Oprah, Personal Power, Strength, Success, Super-Heroes
Eat a Tiger with Little Chews
How do you eat a Tiger? With little chews. If you have ever been overwhelmed by trying to pursue your dreams then you know how daunting trying to succeed can be. Recently I had a chat with my sister. She’s trying to be Super but is struggling. I instantly gave her some encouragement. What kind of success coach would I be if I didn’t help my family? Usually when any of us start something new we are overwhelmed by the vastness of our ambitions and the energy required to scale mountains, slay dragons and banish thoughts of doubt and insecurity. We want to succeed but we think failure is a real option. Soon our doubts become our reality and we give in and give up. No can do. It’s important to understand that every day is an opportunity to succeed. No one wakes up and is miraculously sitting in the penthouse with a Bentley parked outside sipping cocktails with P.Diddy. How you grasp your dreams is by one action, step and move at a time. Every stamp licked, every bill paid, every resume sent and every class taken is a step in the right direction. Those who try to do everything at once usually find themselves frustrated and defeated.
Think of success as a dripping faucet. Every drop of water is merging with previous drops. The water line is rising until it reaches uncontrollable levels and overflows. Once the water escapes the confines of the sink it has broken through and can no longer be contained. Every day is an opportunity to burst the pipe and get the things you want and need. The sun should never set on your day without having tackled some problem, made some progress or done something (anything) that is taking you steadily in the direction you want to go. A tiger is a big animal with many parts but even the most insignificant of us can have him for a meal if we eat him diligently.
“BURPPPPPPPP………!” Excuse me everyone, how rude. Forgive me, I launched my website today(www.thesupersistah.com) and wrote this blog so still have bits of tiger between my teeth. I’m not satisfied, are you? Bon Appétit.
Tags: Careers, Confidence, Dreams, Fighting Fear, Personal Power, Self-Confidence, Strength, Success
Envy – The New Green
Envy is a sin. Ask anybody. No need to consult your Bible. It’s one of the seven deadly sins. Trust me. As I write this the Super is green. Not the fashionable forest color but the green of guacamole and late night drinking. I’m the color of wasabi sauce minus the sushi. I’m the hue of Kermit when he’s feeling killer and cryptic. Not good green. I wish I could say I envied my friend with the wicked ride and banging body or the co-worker with the corner office. That kind of envy is popular and expected. If I said I was jealous of my friend’s new fiancé or her bitchin’ apartment facing the park, that too would be understandable. Those wants are accessible and within reach. They’re nothing that a degree, a Match.com profile and a gym membership can’t obtain. Instead I’m jealous of make-believe; fiction and Hollywood fantasy made just for your movie screen. For the first time the Super wished for a moment that she had the life of a barely post-pubescent Jewish boy. His name? Mark Zuckerberg. I watched the movie the Social Network and was astounded that the creator of Facebook is the youngest billionaire on earth. Now if you’re going to be green then it’s best to have thoughts of jealousy the color of money.
It would be more realistic if I wanted to be Wonder Woman, the Bionic Woman or the X-Men’s Storm. I have a better chance of lifting a ten-ton car with my bare hands than accomplishing what the Facebook founder did in just a century. I wonder what fuels him? Accomplishing all that he has must mean he has 24 carat ambition. Why him but not me?. I need some of the inspiration he’s drinking. All I know is that to get anything done you must have a fire burning inside. Doubts, fear and disbelief can’t be a part of your psyche. We can have everything we want. Having vision and drive is the beginning. You have to see the finish line first and then make the first tentative steps. Forcing yourself out of immobility is the hardest part. In order to fly you have to be willing first to take a step and then a leap. Are you stuck in place or are you leaping?
Tags: Careers, Confidence, Personal Power, Success
The Most Super Sistah
People are losing jobs, homes are being foreclosed upon and the state of the economy and America’s financial future is at risk. Things are looking bad for a good portion of the population but as the gospel artist Donnie McClurkin sings, We All Fall Down, But We Get Up. So instead of worrying about things I can’t change, I’m making plans–big plans for the future. These plans center around a Google search I did recently. I typed my name into the engine and what I found invigorated me, inspired me and quite frankly lit a fire under my ass. When I looked myself up on the internet I found nothing. Nada. Zip. As far as Google was concerned I was a non-entity. Now I know this shouldn’t affect me nor have any impact on my self-worth but it still left an impression. Right then and there I decided something important: I wasn’t going to be anonymous. Like Zorro’s signature Z, I planned to carve my name into the side of the planet and let the S blaze. I would make an impact and endeavor to be more Super than even the most accomplished Sistah. The plan centered on being the most successful me.
The Man of Steel who? When people thought of the word Super it would be my name called and then Superman after me. Some are already calling me delusional but they only think so because they have yet to see me put thought into action. I’m conceiving my ambitions first before I make them into reality. We all have to have goals right? As I write yet another blog for a slow-growing fan base, I’m a regular human being with only super-powered ambition. But the seeds of power grow first in the mind before they can bloom in the heart and spread out across the land. Today I’m dreaming. I’m dreaming that the next time I Google my name, my name will dominate the first three pages exclusively. I’m dreaming that when I examine my heart it is filled with the pride of my accomplishments and a peace that comes from knowing that I have lived up to my greatest potential.
I can’t find my name in the search engine today. But the day is just beginning. I don’t know about you but my ambition is to see myself on Mount Olympus with the rest of the Gods and Oprah Winfrey. I’ll race you to the top of the mountain. Do you think that you can beat me?
Tags: Careers, Dreams, Identity, Personal Power, Self-Confidence, Success
Work Hard for the Money
I prayed for a job. Went down on bended knee and asked God to rescue me from unemployment. After months of hitting the pavement and watching my bank account dwindle to nothing, my prayers were answered. The negative balance in the bank account turned towards the positive. All was well in the world or was it? Why is it that when we get what we ask for we want something else? As I sat in my cubicle contemplating the universe instead of doing the piles of work on my desk, I asked myself what I really wanted. I thought I wanted money. (I do, there is never enough of it.) I thought I wanted professional accolades. (I do, one can never be too successful.) I thought I wanted the corner office. (I do, one can hardly write blogs in full view of everyone.) I asked myself what I really wanted and the answer came to me. It didn’t come to me as much as it settled over me. The answer in fact had never changed. I wanted freedom. Not the kind of freedom that everyone hopes for which is the one where you tell your boss to kiss your ass and gallop off into the sunset on a horse that you can’t ride properly. No, what I wanted was to get paid to do what I did best: writing. I knew this because in my spare time I looked up writing conferences and searched out deals on writing magazine subscriptions. I wrote stories on things that interested me all while claiming I wanted to be a business professional.
When I visualized my life I pictured myself with my laptop in my hand flitting from place to place soaking up inspiration and sunrays. I didn’t see myself in the too tight business suit with the spiked heels. I didn’t see myself with the two car garage with an apron strapped around my back. I didn’t see myself directing the meeting in a boardroom full of people. What I sought was the satisfaction that comes with doing what I was ordained to do. The sense of peace that comes when you feel like you have purpose. Ninety-five percent of the population doesn’t do what they love. I don’t want to be in that category. Most of the time people are trapped by their feelings of helplessness and their fear of the risk involved in trying to live out their dreams. Usually the dreams require sacrifice and most of us have grown unaccustomed to living on more than wishes and Ramen noodle. The pursuit of happiness usually comes at a cost and for many the cost is too high.
How do you identify whether you are doing what you love or what pays the bills? Just ask yourself a series of simple questions: what do you dream about doing when no one is looking? What sites do you frequent on your spare time? What would you do if you didn’t have other responsibilities? If the answer is other than what you’re doing currently then you’re in the wrong profession. In the masterful quote from my boy Brad Pitt as the movie character, Benjamin Button, he says that it’s never too late to be who you want to be. I remember this and keep the quote close to me when I find myself settling into the ninety-five percent who like the song from Donna Summers, only works hard for the money.
Tags: Careers, Dreams, Personal Power, Self-Confidence, Unemployment
Flight Lessons for the Unemployed
Even Super Sistah needs a 9-5. But like a million other Americans I was a victim of the tough U.S job market. Where I live in New York it was brutal with nary a job, a hustle or a gig in sight. I had all the credentials and looked good on paper, but after job interview after job interview I still found myself unemployed. How does a success coach teach success when she herself feels like a failure? It was a contradiction in terms. So I had to make a choice. Give up or give in. I gave in and at some point during my layoff I stopped asking God why me and started asking him why now. This is the answer he gave me.
First, I’m not my job and my job is not me. I tied my identity to my job title so that when it was taken away from me I felt like a loser and a failure. I was good for nothing. I didn’t want to go out and meet people because I didn’t want to be asked the inevitable question, what do you do exactly? I was reluctant to give the answer that I was a blogger, writer and coach but that money and me were now enemies. I didn’t want to explain that all my savings had gone into maintaining my lifestyle in one of the most expensive cities in the world. Simply put, I didn’t want to explain that I was broke. Being without any paper wasn’t sexy. So instead I stayed inside and ate, wrote and let depression take over me. My friends didn’t call, didn’t visit and were not as supportive as I’d hoped they would be. Some disappeared off the grid. None of them lent me a dime, an ear or a shoulder to cry on. These were the same people who I lifted up, encouraged and coached for free when my life was good. The lesson I learned from the reversal was that no one wanted to see me down and destitute or crying in my soup bawling out to the heavens, why me. So I picked myself up. I stopped eating and went back to the gym. I starting writing and put my words into a book and started a blog. I started telling myself encouraging words and most importantly I surrendered the process to God. Worrying was killing me. I asked myself some important questions like who am I and who do I want to be? The answer in my case was that I wanted to be a writer and have my words change people internally. I finished writing a book and I couldn’t have done that had I been working from 9-5. I wanted to be happy and go back to the place where I felt confident, full of myself and on top of the world. To do this I had to abandon fear, worry and shame and forget about what other people thought about me. It was a difficult task but I persevered and by doing so rediscovered the Super in me.
Super Sistah is happy to announce that just yesterday after months of pounding the payment she didn’t just get one job offer, she got three. When you surrender, trust and try things turn around. Remember when God gives, he gives abundantly.
Tags: Careers, Money, Trust, Unemployment