I’m breaking up with my doctor. She gots to go. We’ve been together a while so it’s with regret that I’m giving my doctor the old heave-ho. Make she “move and gweh” in Jamaican patois that means I’m giving her white-robe-wearing behind the axe. I don’t mean to be disrespectful but after years of denial I finally had to tell myself the truth: my MD doesn’t like me. Don’t misunderstand, she doesn’t see my name in the appointment book and head for the hills nor does she look at me with hate in her eyes. At my annual exam I don’t shake with dread and mortal fear that she will shove the speculum up my private parts a tad too far. She’s not Dr. Kevorkian prescribing treatments of death. Despite this, I’m not being dramatic when I say that my doctor still makes me fear for my life. Here’s why.

A doctor should be personable, professional but most importantly a doctor should care. Mine doesn’t. It isn’t anything overt, she’s pleasant but even though she’s known me for years I still get the blank stare. I’m a person on a chart with a medical history and no soul. If I’m going to put my life in someone’s hands that someone should care. Every conversation shouldn’t be scripted, prescribed and routine. I’d like for my doctor to ask me about my cat, my back, my grandmother, anything that would give me the slightest hint that she sees me as a person. It’s these side conversations that may lead me to tell her about the lump, bump, bruise or cough that I dismissed but she diagnosed with the quickness therefore saving my life.

I want the opportunity for my MD to fuss about the mole I’ve had since I was ten. I want her to ask me about my boyfriend and question whether we’re having unprotected sex. I want my MD to ask me about my weight and shake her head when the numbers get too high. When I call my doctor in an unplanned pregnancy panic, even though she knows I haven’t had sex in a year, I want her to listen and then casually order psychological tests. In short, I want my MD to keep me healthy with her care.

My doctor and I don’t have this kind of relationship so I’m finished with her, it’s over, done and caput. I want my co-pay to buy me a physician with that loving feeling. Whether the affection is real or feigned is irrelevant. I hold on to the belief that if I have to get naked in front of my MD, she should at least remember me.

In Divorce Court is it right to site inattention and irreconcilable differences in your case against your MD?